Tuesday, January 23, 2007

I wish Rosie O Donnell would pick on me; I could use the publicity.

Many of you know that in October of 2001, I won what for any writer, much less an unknown, one-woman independent self-publisher, was the equivalent of winning the lottery- an appearance to promote my book, Tickles Tabitha’s Cancer-tankerous Mommy on the Rosie O Donnell Show.

Suddenly I went from being the town idiot, who’d invested hard-earned money to start a business she knew absolutely nothing about, so she could publish a children’s book-- God forbid-- about a mean ole Mommy with CANCER, to a nationally recognized Expert.

I was still teetering to obtain balance on the publicity pedestal when I got knocked off and onto my butt by the Anthrax virus. Anthrax had been found in NBC studios at Rockefeller Plaza where the O Donnell show aired and my appearance was cancelled.

It was devastating, humiliating, and a crushing blow to my mother, mother-in-law, and other significant others who’d bragged to their friends about my upcoming appearance.

It was an even bigger disappointment for all those pretend friends, snooty relatives, and colleagues (you know who you are) who were hoping to see me make a fool of my self on national television.

As for me my non-appearance on the Rosie O Donnell Show was the best publicity my book and publishing company has ever received.

A press release about my non appearance was picked up by the wire and I got calls from across the country. I didn’t make it to NYC but my book did and O Donnell recommended it on her show and gave copies to her studio audience.

Today I realize an endorsement from Rosie is just too old school. I've concluded the best thing Rosie O Donnell could do for an author is insult them publicly.

I'm no longer aspiring to guest on The View instead all I ask is that Rosie say she hates Tickles Tabitha's Cancer-tankerous Mommy and the witch who wrote it.

Come on Rosie, feud with me.

I’ve got several thousand copies of Tickles Tabitha’s Cancer-tankerous Mommy I’d like to sell. Not to mention, the "real" Tickles Tabitha is all grown up and with a few nasty remarks from you, I might could afford to send her to college.