Thursday, June 08, 2006

Last week Tisha Powell our Raleigh/Durham ABC News Anchor/Reporter and Camera man, Darell Pryor came to my house and did a taped interview that was aired this week.

When it aired my husband, Randy and my children the real Tabitha and Jordan and I sit down to watch. I’m at that phase in life where looking fat and middle aged on television has surpassed sounding like a blubbering idiot as my not so secret greatest fear.

Besides I’ve done TV and radio enough to know that reporters like Tisha know how to put you at ease, ask just the right questions, and save you from yourself if necessary. Thanks to Tisha and Darell’s flawless editing I thought I sounded just like the articulate expert I’m supposed to be and my husband agreed.

Of course my husband is even older than I am and besides by now he’s learned saying anything critical about his wife’s TV appearances would be like answering the question, do I look fat in these jeans, with an honest answer. So I know his opinion can’t be trusted.

No, when I want honesty I can always depend on my Minnesota boy. My son Jordan, who his sister will tell you has no common sense, tact, nor despite living in North Carolina for the past few years has yet learned to be Southern. Jordan has the IQ of a genius but the concept of a white lie escapes him. He’s going to be in big trouble one day- unless his significant other has a skinny butt.

In the interview I told Tisha that pretty much everything depicted in Tickles Tabitha’s Cancer-tankerous Mommy really did happen. Except for the part about me losing my hair, I didn’t lose my hair, but my girl-friend Laura who died of Leukemia did (lose hair)
and she was the reason it’s pictured in my book.

According to Jordan - who’s in middle school which explains a lot- I probably should have said my friend instead of my girl-friend. If he didn’t know better he might think I was gay. After all nothing was mentioned about a husband just my girl-friend and my family.

My husband and I just looked at each other and started laughing. Perhaps Jordan does have a point because I couldn’t picture Randy saying my boyfriend when talking about one of his friends.

I couldn’t help myself, I said, well now you know Jordan, you’re mother’s a lesbian. It’s good to be out of the closet. Then I really got the giggles.

At Tabitha’s high school they’d probably say something like- “You’re Mom came out of the closet on TV? Cool!”

Jordan however, would probably need to be home schooled. Like I said he’s in middle school.

He and Tabitha didn’t find me all that funny. My children will tell you they don’t have a problem with gays or lesbians.

There problem is their mother.

Tabitha accuses me of being unctuous. Yes, she’s got quite the vocabulary and although I knew what she was implying, I still had to look it up.

Unc-tu-ous- Characterized by affected, exaggerated, or insincere earnestness. That would be me.

They’ll ask to do something there’s no way on God’s green earth I’m going to let them do. Like go out to eat after I’ve bothered to cook a meal, or my personal favorite, let’s get another dog?

Instead of saying NO! I'll say, “why don't we?” Or-“ how a--bout it?!”

It annoys them immensely which is why I enjoy it.
Even more enjoyable to me and annoying to them was coming out of the clothes closet. (Yes, Jordan I know it’s closet not clothes closet, I don’t care.)

I’m an Unctuous Lesbian Mama. Move over Rosie O Donnell.

I’m sending the producers at The View a copy of my interview with Tisha.